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Parsons Posse – Easy Money

My father, Joseph Thomas Parsons (Reg. #10851), loved to tell a story about how he and another rookie RCMP constable named Mattie were called upon to intercept and halt demonstrations by the Doukhobors in the 1930s.

The Sons of Freedom sect, led by Peter Verigin, were protesting the Canadian government forcing their children to attend regular school against their wishes, which they construed to be persecution. They protested by burning their own homes and staging nude parades throughout that part of Saskatchewan. Ever the preservers of public tranquility, the RCMP were called upon to put an end to the demonstrations.

Joe and Mattie, along with several other stalwart guardians of Canada, were dispatched to interrupt a nude parade, arrest the participants and generally stifle the followers in their mission to create a disturbance. A large stake truck had been commandeered to haul the protesters away. 

The officers waded into the wall of flesh to make their arrests. It was observed later during debriefing that taking hold of a human being devoid of all clothing is a distinct challenge due to the dearth of any handles whatsoever. The task was exacerbated by the unwillingness of the arrestees to cooperate.

Joe encountered a rather large, obese, naked 250 pound woman and proceeded to use his resourcefulness, in the absence of a matron, to “take hold” and wrestle her up onto the bed of the stake truck. He was struggling mightily and happened to glance over at Mattie, who had his shoulder into the winsome buttocks of a slim 18 year old nude protester. 

Joe was obviously expending every ounce of energy, sweating profusely in an effort to hoist his charge onto the truck. Mattie looked over at him, winked and remarked, “Geez Joe, and to think they’re paying us 75 cents a day for this!”