Jokes

NON Law Enforcement discussion. Post your thoughts and feelings about anything you want, just leave work out of it. Nobody likes a workaholic. Get a life ;-)
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T.M.DIESEL
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Jokes

Postby T.M.DIESEL » Tue Nov 08, 2005 7:21 pm

Not one to read text only e-mail but I got a chuckle out of this one.

Excerpted from an article about a bank robbery which appeared in the Irish Times on 2 March 1999:

Once inside the bank shortly after midnight, a gang of raiders' efforts at disabling the internal security system got underway immediately. The robbers, who expected to find one or two large safes filled with cash and valuables, were surprised to see hundreds of smaller safes scattered throughout the bank.

The robbers cracked the first safe's combination, and inside they found only a bowl of vanilla pudding. As recorded on the bank's audio-tape system, one said, "At least we'll get a bit to eat," The robbers opened up a second safe, and it also contained nothing but vanilla pudding.

The process continued until all the safes were opened. They found not one pound sterling, a diamond, or an ounce of gold. Instead, all the safes contained covered bowls of pudding.

Disappointed, the robbers made a quiet exit, each leaving with nothing more than a queasy, uncomfortably full stomach.

The newspaper headline read: IRELAND'S LARGEST SPERM BANK ROBBED EARLY THIS MORNING.
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PaladinPup
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...

Postby PaladinPup » Tue Nov 08, 2005 7:56 pm

rockema wrote::shock:

i just puked in my mouth a little bit.



Too much info rock... 88)
Perfer et obdura; dolor hic tibi proderit olim
(Be patient and tough; one day this pain will be useful to you)
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Respond Wayne
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Postby Respond Wayne » Tue Nov 08, 2005 8:08 pm

:aye:

You didn't happen to have Vanilla Pudding for dessert did ya? :P
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Mark S
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Re: Jokes

Postby Mark S » Tue Nov 08, 2005 8:11 pm

OTU Bailiff wrote:Not one to read text only e-mail but...

How does that work, only look at the pictures?
Welcome to Winnipeg. We were born here, what's your excuse?

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T.M.DIESEL
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Re: Jokes

Postby T.M.DIESEL » Tue Nov 08, 2005 8:48 pm

Mark S wrote:
OTU Bailiff wrote:Not one to read text only e-mail but...

How does that work, only look at the pictures?


Pretty much so, unless it is of a personal nature, any kind of jokes or chain letters I skip them.
"Experience is a hard teacher because she gives the test first, the lesson afterwards." -- Unknown

A government big enough to give you everything you want, is strong enough to
take everything you have.--Thomas Jefferson

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Justin L
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Postby Justin L » Tue Nov 08, 2005 10:19 pm

I will never be able to eat Vanilla pudding again without thinking about that

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Postby PaladinPup » Wed Nov 09, 2005 10:07 am

A husband was in big trouble when he forgot his wedding anniversary. His
wife told him "Tomorrow there better be something in the driveway for me
that goes zero to 200 in 2 seconds flat". The next morning the wife found a
small package in the driveway. She opened it and found a brand new bathroom
scale.





Funeral arrangements for the husband have been set for Saturday.
Perfer et obdura; dolor hic tibi proderit olim
(Be patient and tough; one day this pain will be useful to you)
- Ovid

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Mark Reesor
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Burn!

Postby Mark Reesor » Wed Nov 09, 2005 1:20 pm

Dana Carvey mentioned on Leno the other night that he was ambushed by some guy from the Howard Stern show who asked him if he watches gay porn. I must, replied Carvey, because you look familiar!

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Postby tooscoops » Wed Nov 09, 2005 1:39 pm

A man walks into a doctors office one day, completely naked, and covered in saran wrap. He goes to the doctor, and the doctor does some tests, and hours later, he tells the man, "Well, I can clearly see your nuts."

:D
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Commish.
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Postby Commish. » Thu Nov 17, 2005 8:45 pm

A South American scientist, from Argentina, after a lengthy study, has discovered that people with not enough sexual activities read their e-mails/forums with their hand on the mouse.



Don't bother taking it off, it's too late. :twisted:
-People think that I'm quiet because I'm shy, but really I've been silently judging them from afar and determining that they're all fucking retards.

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Postby Commish. » Thu Nov 17, 2005 9:25 pm

3 little ducks go into a bar,
"Say, what's your name?" the bartender asked the first duck. "Huey," was the reply. "How's your day been, Huey?" "Great. Lovely day. Had a ball. Been in and out of puddles all day. What else could a duck want?" said Huey.

"Oh. That's nice," said the bartender.
He turned to the second duck, "Hi, and what's your name?" "Dewy," came the answer from duck #2. "So how's your day been, Dewey?" he asked. "Great. Lovely day. I've had a ball too. Been in and out of puddles all day myself. What else could a duck want?"

The bartender turned to the third duck and said, "So, you must be Louie" "No," she replied, batting her eyelashes. "My name is Puddles." :D
-People think that I'm quiet because I'm shy, but really I've been silently judging them from afar and determining that they're all fucking retards.

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Postby Howard » Thu Nov 17, 2005 9:33 pm

Commish. wrote:A South American scientist, from Argentina...


See that's funny right there...
The democracy will cease to exist when you take away from those who are willing to work and give to those who would not. (Thomas Jefferson)


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