any thoughts or experiences on how to handle marriage and ch

General Law Enforcement discussion which does not fit into other channels. Post your thoughts and feelings about anything you want (LE related), or just vent those fumes about whatever is on your chest.
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wpg hopeful
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any thoughts or experiences on how to handle marriage and ch

Postby wpg hopeful » Mon Jun 06, 2011 10:47 am

Just curious for those of us who have families and marriages before getting into Law Enforcement, any suggestions how to still be a functional Partner/Parent?
Thanks
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wpg hopeful
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Re: any thoughts or experiences on how to handle marriage and ch

Postby wpg hopeful » Mon Jun 06, 2011 12:16 pm

ha ha 41 views and no relpies yet?
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Re: any thoughts or experiences on how to handle marriage and ch

Postby SupahDuck » Mon Jun 06, 2011 12:33 pm

wpg hopeful wrote:Just curious for those of us who have families and marriages before getting into Law Enforcement, any suggestions how to still be a functional Partner/Parent?
Thanks


I think the reason you've had 41+ views and no replies is because those of us who had families and marriages before getting into Law Enforcement, strangely enough now have families and marriages after getting into Law Enforcement.

The fact that you've chosen to be a LEO is not going to change your family life.

What will put stress on the relationship(s) are two major things: shift work (i.e. not being able to go to your kid's games or tuck them in), and the personal safety risk (your family wondering if you'll come home at night). There are others of course, but those two are big ones.

There are workarounds for the scheduling issues, as I know quite a few fellow officers at my workplace to manage to have kids that play all sorts of sports, or coach teams themselves, and they work the same shifts I do.

As for the personal safety risk, that's something you accept when you sign up for the job, and your vocation (your calling, your innate need to do the job) is something that makes that risk acceptable and manageable. Your spouse and family need to be aware and accepting of your vocation to the job, and the risk that goes with it.

But they knew that about you already (one would hope) so you starting a job as a LEO shouldn't change anything. Right? :D
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Re: any thoughts or experiences on how to handle marriage and ch

Postby pukie » Mon Jun 06, 2011 12:50 pm

The effects on your marriage are directly proportional to the amount of time you spend in a scout car with a PW.... :banghead:

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Re: any thoughts or experiences on how to handle marriage and ch

Postby Costello » Mon Jun 06, 2011 1:17 pm

Emotional Survival for Law Enforcement: A Guide for Officers and Their Families by Kevin M. Gilmartin is a great book for you and your partner to read.

Just my thoughts.
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Re: any thoughts or experiences on how to handle marriage and ch

Postby ASGPS Sheriff » Mon Jun 06, 2011 1:43 pm

I would have to agree with you Costello the book you speak of it is a great book.

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Re: any thoughts or experiences on how to handle marriage and ch

Postby Respond Wayne » Mon Jun 06, 2011 6:26 pm

pukie wrote:The effects on your marriage are directly proportional to the amount of time you spend in a scout car with a PW.... :banghead:


I thought you started this topic... out of the billions of possible avatars out there, the OP chose your's (which I see you've since removed).

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Re: any thoughts or experiences on how to handle marriage and ch

Postby pukie » Mon Jun 06, 2011 6:30 pm

I think I got rid of it a couple years ago...and Winnipeg...give your head a shake!

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Re: any thoughts or experiences on how to handle marriage and ch

Postby Respond Wayne » Mon Jun 06, 2011 6:34 pm

pukie wrote:I think I got rid of it a couple years ago...and Winnipeg...give your head a shake!


Awe, it only seems like the other day... the crazy things that stick in my mind... crazy I tell you! :twitch:
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Re: any thoughts or experiences on how to handle marriage and ch

Postby TMLF » Mon Jun 06, 2011 6:48 pm

SupahDuck wrote:
wpg hopeful wrote:Just curious for those of us who have families and marriages before getting into Law Enforcement, any suggestions how to still be a functional Partner/Parent?
Thanks


I think the reason you've had 41+ views and no replies is because those of us who had families and marriages before getting into Law Enforcement, strangely enough now have families and marriages after getting into Law Enforcement.

The fact that you've chosen to be a LEO is not going to change your family life.

What will put stress on the relationship(s) are two major things: shift work (i.e. not being able to go to your kid's games or tuck them in), and the personal safety risk (your family wondering if you'll come home at night). There are others of course, but those two are big ones.

There are workarounds for the scheduling issues, as I know quite a few fellow officers at my workplace to manage to have kids that play all sorts of sports, or coach teams themselves, and they work the same shifts I do.

As for the personal safety risk, that's something you accept when you sign up for the job, and your vocation (your calling, your innate need to do the job) is something that makes that risk acceptable and manageable. Your spouse and family need to be aware and accepting of your vocation to the job, and the risk that goes with it.

But they knew that about you already (one would hope) so you starting a job as a LEO shouldn't change anything. Right? :D


Well, I'm in a little bit of a different situation than most I guess, but I will say this:
If you get deployed, bring your family with you right then and there... do not try to 'wait it out' for the next one to come along...
Based on the information that I was given, we decided that we could do the long distance thing, however the time period has changed drastically from what I was originally told.
We're still doing the long distance thing, but man it is hard.
I've missed my son growing through his 3rd year...
I will regret that forever and no career is worth that.
-T

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Re: any thoughts or experiences on how to handle marriage and ch

Postby CourtOfficer » Mon Jun 06, 2011 11:42 pm

It's a job like any other. Treat it like that and you'll be fine. Let it "define" you and you'll have problems.

CO

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Re: any thoughts or experiences on how to handle marriage and ch

Postby RemingtonSteel » Tue Jun 07, 2011 12:01 am

CourtOfficer wrote:It's a job like any other. Treat it like that and you'll be fine. Let it "define" you and you'll have problems.

CO


CO and I rarely agree on things, but I couldn't have said it any better than that, nail on the head.
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Re: any thoughts or experiences on how to handle marriage and ch

Postby warden602 » Tue Jun 07, 2011 1:37 am

CourtOfficer wrote:It's a job like any other. Treat it like that and you'll be fine. Let it "define" you and you'll have problems.

CO


I agree. I'm now much happier in life now that I've stopped defining myself by what I do for a living. If you do, you're just going to set yourself up for a lot of disappointment.

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Re: any thoughts or experiences on how to handle marriage and ch

Postby SupahDuck » Tue Jun 07, 2011 9:36 am

warden602 wrote:
CourtOfficer wrote:It's a job like any other. Treat it like that and you'll be fine. Let it "define" you and you'll have problems.

CO


I agree. I'm now much happier in life now that I've stopped defining myself by what I do for a living. If you do, you're just going to set yourself up for a lot of disappointment.


Working as a CX is a second career for me, so the uniform is just that, some clothes for work. I define myself by the kind of husband, father, brother & son that I am to my family. That is what'll be important long after I'm done working for CSC.

:thumbsup:
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