ROTFL - US Police Quotes

[JS4907]

These are actual comments made by 16 Police Officers. The comments were taken off actual police car videos around the country:

1. "You know, stop lights don't come any redder than the one you just went through."

2. "Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch after you wear them a while."

3. "If you take your hands off the car, I'll make your birth certificate a worthless document."

4. "If you run, you'll only go to jail tired."

5. "Can you run faster than 1200 feet per second? Because that's the speed of the bullet that'll be chasing you."

6. "You don't know how fast you were going? I guess that means I can write anything I want to on the ticket, huh?"

7. "Yes, sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think it will help. Oh, did I mention that I'm the shift supervisor?"

8. "Warning! You want a warning? O.K, I'm warning you not to do that again or I'll give you another ticket."

9. "The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?"

10. "Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy and corn dogs and step in monkey poop."

11. "Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven."

12. "In God we trust; all others we run through NCIC." (National Crime Information Center)

13. "Just how big were those 'two beers' you say you had?"

14. "No sir, we don't have quotas anymore. We used to, but now we're allowed to write as many tickets as we can."

15. "I'm glad to hear that the Chief (of Police) is a personal friend of yours. So you know someone who can post your bail."

16. "You didn't think we give pretty women tickets? You're right, we don't.. Sign here."

[Jim Street]

Those are all new to me. Haven't heard any of them except maybe one or two.

[CourtOfficer]

Those are all new to me. Haven't heard any of them except maybe one or two.

Gross. You got sarcasm all over me!!!

CO

[JS4907]

Glad your all enjoying it so much.

[Mongo]

Those are all new to me. Haven't heard any of them except maybe one or two.

Gross. You got sarcasm all over me!!!

CO

Exactly. My great-grandfather used most of those on trappers when he was with the North West Mounted Police. And they were old lines even to him.

[CourtOfficer]

I heard they were originally published in Hebrew when Jesus was in short pants.

CO

[JS4907]

So just a little older than my grandmother who sent the forward to me which has prob been circling around since the beginning of the internet... good to know

[Mongo]

I heard they were originally published in Hebrew when Jesus was in short pants.

True, but the ancient Israelites were merely translating the quotes from the symbols they found on pre-Paleolithic caves...
(Okay, I'll stop now. Point made )

[SupahDuck]

Actually these quotes are a transliteration of the decoded messages recently found in the Heisenberg variabilities in a rare radioactive cobalt isotope's electron spin.

These variabilities show up under an electron tunneling microscope as a "Thin Blue Line", which may explain the origin of the colour "cobalt blue".

The isotope has been found in sparse quantities throughout the known universe, which would indicate that these quotations have been around since the beginning of time.

[SupahDuck]

I heard they were originally published in Hebrew when Jesus was in short pants.

True, but the ancient Israelites were merely translating the quotes from the symbols they found on pre-Paleolithic caves...
(Okay, I'll stop now. Point made )

Battery of the expired equine continues........

[newman]

Certainly didn't 'ROTFL' to any of them.

[Mongo]

Certainly didn't 'ROTFL' to any of them.

YOU may not have, but King Tut certainly did when his Royal Guard shared them with him in 2000 BC.

[meathead1]

every time I see these and someone thinks they are the funniest thing ever, a little piece of me dies.

[CourtOfficer]

Everytime any of these jokes are repeated, God kills a kitten. You want that on your conscience, original poster?

CO

[JS4907]

Poor kittens, I won't kill anymore.

Sorry meathead, I hope that little piece grows back or you don't miss it.